[Scene: outside Bluster Barrel Works]
DK: (lifting barrel weights) "If this doesn't make Candy notice me, nothing will!"
<lunch break whistle sounds>
Diddy: "Okay DK, get ready, she's coming!"
DK: (struggling with weights) "Hey Candy, look at meeeeeee!"
Candy: (looking at magazine) "Mmm, nice! Sooo dreamy..."
DK: "She noticed... Woah!!" (falls over)
Candy: (sigh) "Leonardo Di-Ape-rio is the most adorable, talented, dreamy movie star I've ever drilled over!"
DK: (crosses arms) "What's he got that I don't have?"
Diddy: "Well, movie-star good looks, movie-star fame, movie star money..."
DK: "I've been in lots of movies"
Candy: "Huh?"
DK: "Every Saturday afternoon I sit right in the front row."
<Bluster enters the scene holding a box>
Bluster: "Can-deee! I don't over-pay you to talk to knuckle-draggers, get to work!"
<Bluster looks at DK>
Bluster: "That's work- as in doing something useful..."
Candy: "Famous movie stars like DK don't have to work!"
Bluster: "Never mind. I need this parcel to go out right away - air mail."
Diddy: "Then Funky's your monkey!"
Candy: "Want me to do anything while you're gone?"
Bluster: "Oh just one thing... WORK!"
[Scene: beachfront - Funky's Flights]
Bluster: "Funky, you airborne virus of an ape-"
Funky: "Wait- I've got it!" (Typing) "The... end. What a finish! You were saying, your dudeship?"
Bluster: "I need you to fly this-"
Funky: "Hah-uh! My flying days are over-and-out. I'm writing the great Kongo Bongo screenplay."
Bluster: "Writing? Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that involve knowing something... like say... the alphabet?"
Funky: "Hey dude, the movie biz is where it is! Every dude and dudette loves to go to the movies."
<Bluster drops the box, smashing the contents>
Bluster: "You're right... They love it so much they pay to go to the movies."
<Bluster grabs Funky by the shoulders>
Bluster: "So, tell me Funky... What do I need to become a movie mogul?"
Funky: "For starters, a good script! I call it Casa Kongo Bongo. It's a romantic comedy, action thriller, mystery love-story disaster movie. You wanta buy it?"
Bluster: "Buy it? For money? Hahahahaha! How does honorary unpaid assistant to the executive producer sound?
Funky: "Cool!"
[Scene: outside Cranky's Cabin]
<Bluster walks around, looking at the surroundings between his outstretched hands>
Bluster: "Mmm, good... Mmm?"
DK: "Hey Bluster, what are ya doing?"
Diddy: "Lemme guess- Funky glued your fingers together?"
Bluster: "As it happens I'm scouting locations for my movie."
DK: "What movie?"
Bluster: "I'm producing and directing my first feature."
DK: "That's the funniest thing I ever heard! A-haha!"
<DK laughs hysterically>
Diddy: "Uh, DK? A real, live movie... Hello! Candy will go bananas!"
DK: (stops laughing) "And if I'm in the movie... She'll go bananas over me for sure!"
<DK dashes over to Bluster>
DK: "You're making a movie- best news I ever heard!"
<Cranky busts out of the Cabin>
Cranky: "Can't a monkey have a little peace and quiet without you big baboons acting like a bunch of goons?!"
DK: "Bluster's making a movie with me as the star!"
Bluster: "I need someone with star quality, not stark-raving-mad quality!"
Cranky: "A movie?! Of all the nonsense I have to listen to around here, that's the craziest! A movie? Hah." (walks back into the cabin) "What nonsense..."
Bluster: (walking off indignantly) "Hmph!"
DK: "So Bluster- when do we start?"
Bluster: "Auditions are tomorrow at noon. I'll bring the script- you bring the talent!"
Cranky: (peering out of Cabin) "Did he say... noon?"
SONG: "I'm gonna be a star"
(Cranky, DK and Diddy sing about becoming stars)
[Scene: forest]
Candy: "Hey Diddy!"
Diddy: (laughing) "Oh this is gonna be so great! Bluster's making a movie and auditions are tomorrow!"
Candy: "Tomorrow? This could be my big break! I've gotta rehearse! Should I sing? Should I dance? I could sing and dance couldn't I! Ohh! A real, live movie! Gotta go Diddy!"
<Candy runs off, Diddy walks off, Klump and Krusha pop up in bushes>
Klump: "Do you copy that, soldier? A movie on the island. You know what that means?"
Krusha: "Popcorn."
Klump: "No! Uh... It means... It means... well King K. Rool will know what it means. We'd better go tell him."
[Scene: K. Rool's Lair]
Klump: "Sir, early reconnaissance reveals Bluster's making a movie on the island."
K. Rool: "A movie? How very interesting... Good work, Klump!"
Klump: "Why, thank you, sir!" (To Krusha) "See, I know just what he's thinkin'."
<K. Rool starts a mock, solo fencing bout>
Klump: "He's reconnoiterin' to gain domination of the island, once and for all."
K. Rool: "A movie, you say... Excellent. This would be the perfect opportunity to..."
Klump: (To Krusha) "Here it comes..."
K. Rool: "...be a star of the silver screen!"
Klump: "See I told ya- WHAAAT!?!"
K. Rool: "I, King K. Rool, shall star in Bluster's movie. Now leave me alone! I must prepare for my audition!"
<K. Rool, Rises up to his private chamber, Klump and Krusha shrug to each other>
[Scene: forest - audition set]
<Bluster (the director) paces back and forth, Funky (the writer) stands by>
Bluster: (speaking through megaphone) "Ready for the first audition... Action!"
Candy: (singing) "Laaaaaa!"
Bluster: (briskly) "Cut! I love it, you were made for the role. NEXT!"
<Diddy enters set, scratches nose>
Bluster: "Action!"
Diddy: "Hi there, I just flew in from the White Mountains-"
Bluster: "Don't call us, we'll call you. Next!"
Cranky: (dancing) "Da da da, da da da..." (loses balance, blurts out frantic, unintelligible utterings, falls over)
Bluster: "Next!"
Klump: "Now listen, and listen tight!" (holds Krusha's hand) "If you don't get on that plane tonight, we'll all regret it! Maybe not today... but soon! The goings-on of two little lizards doesn't amount to a hill of beans in this crazy world... Sir."
Bluster: "Next!"
DK: "Okay! First I'd like to recite a little poem. Uh... Mary had a little... Uh, um... A little banana! Its flees were... Uh..."
Bluster: "Next!"
DK: "No wait! I've got more! Watch this!"
<DK hums and struggles to lift barrel weights>
Bluster: "Next!"
DK: "Wait, I've got talent I haven't even used yet!"
Bluster: "Next! Next! NEXT!"
DK: "Woah!" (stumbles forward with barrel weights) "Woah! Woah!"
<Bluster yelps with surprise as DK crashes into him>
DK: "So... am I leading monkey material?"
Bluster: "You're not even nuclear waste material! If I was casting for a big, stupid ape you'd be my first choice. I'll never find my man... Where's that certain someone with a regal bearing, a noble brow, that charismatic character whose charming and sophisticated..."
K. Rool: "He's right here!"
Bluster: "Huh?" (puts hands up to frame K. Rool) "Hmmm... Oh yes, yes, yes!"
<K. Rool yawns emphatically>
Bluster: "You've got the looks, the voice, the style!"
K. Rool: "And let's not forget- I'm green!"
Bluster: "You're more than green, you're my leading man!"
DK: "Him?!" (runs over with a banana peel on his head) "What's wrong with the way I look?"
<Everyone stares blankly at DK, and the banana peel on his head>
DK: "Well it's not fair. Everybody's in your movie but me."
<Funky whispers to Bluster>
Bluster: "You think so? Okay Donkey Kong, there's one part left, but if you mess up... You'll never work in this town again!"
DK: "Thanks Bluster, you wont regret this."
[Scene: beachfront - outside Candy's]
<DK runs over to Candy>
DK: "Hey Candy! Guess who's gonna be starring in Bluster's movie!"
Candy: (gasps) "Leonardo Di-Ape-rio!"
DK: "Nope."
Candy: "Uh... Diddy?"
DK: "Nope."
Candy: "Funky?"
DK: "No."
Candy: "Cranky."
DK: "Nada"
Candy: "Eddie the Yeti?"
DK: "Not him!"
Candy: "Klump?"
DK: "Huh?"
Candy: "Uh... Krusha?"
DK: (sighs) "When I said you'd never guess, I meant you'd guess me! I'm gonna be the bad guy! Are ya impressed?"
Candy: "Sure! They say that playing the villain takes real acting skill."
DK: "Really? Wow! I'm impressed! Can I just ask you one little thing?"
Candy: "Sure..."
DK: (falls to his knees and begs) "Can you teach me how to act?"
Candy: "Well... You could try method acting..."
DK: (running on the spot) "Great, thanks for the tip! Method acting, of course."
<DK runs off, only to return
later>
DK: "Uh, what's method acting?"
Candy: "It's simple - If you're the bad guy in the movie, ya think like a bad guy, ya talk like a bad guy... Ya become a bad guy!"
SONG: "Talk bad, look bad, be bad"
(DK, Candy and K. Rool sing about acting the part of a villain)
<Scene ends with DK laughing maniacally>
[Scene: forest - ship movie set]
Bluster: "And... Action!"
K. Rool: "I'm King of the world! And Kongo Bongo too!"
Bluster: "CUT!"
K. Rool: "I thought I was wonderful as usual. Didn't you?"
Bluster: "What I'm looking for is more... Bigger, grander... You want this girl more than you want anything in the world!"
K. Rool: "No I don't! I don't even like her!"
Candy: "Hey!"
Bluster: "Then pretend it's something you do want more than anything else in the world."
K. Rool: "Mmm... Besides the Crystal Coconut?"
Bluster: "That's your motivation! You want the Crystal Coconut!"
K. Rool: "Ahh, you're right! That's just what I want!" (laughs evilly) "Can I have a few moments to uh, find my character?"
Bluster: (puzzled) "Sure..."
<K. Rool dashes off in search of his character>
Bluster: "Take 15!"
[Scene: forest - audition set]
<Klump and Krusha are on the audition set, practicing. Klump hears footsteps approaching, and gestures, putting his finger in the way as Krusha snaps the clapboard shut>
DK: (doing K. Rool's voice) "Can't you two lugubrious lizards find something constructive to do?"
Klump: "Just waiting for your command, sir!"
Krusha: "Uh, er. Sorry boss."
<DK laughs and walks up to them>
Krusha: "Hey- where's King K. Rool?"
DK: "That was me!"
Krusha: (awestruck) "That... was you?"
DK: "I've modeled my character in the movie after the biggest villain on the island! King K. Rool! Whaddya think?"
Klump: "Well, it's not bad, but uh..."
K. Rool: "Can't you two lugubrious lizards find something constructive to do?"
Klump: (chuckling) "That doesn't sound like King K. Rool at all, too week and spineless."
K. Rool: "You addled amphibian! I AM King K. Rool!"
<Klump stumbles backwards with shock, knocking into DK. The two of them consequently flounder around and destroy Blusters set>
Bluster: "Stop that! You're wrecking my set!"
K. Rool: (to DK) "If you don't stop imitating me, I'll have your head for a hacky-sack!
DK: "If you don't stop imitating me, I'll have your head for a hacky-sack!
Diddy: "Hey big buddy- take it easy. I know you're trying to impress Candy, but you're becoming more like K. Rool than K. Rool!
Bluster: (to Diddy) "Get that ham out of here and rehearse his next scene with him." (into megaphone) "TAKE 10!"
K. Rool: "Have you noticed that while everyone on the island is making the movie, nobody is guarding the Crystal Coconut?"
<Krusha nods, Klump shakes his head>
Klump: "Uh..."
K. Rool: "Well I have, and I have a plan..." (laughs evilly)
[Scene: outside Cranky's Cabin]
Diddy: "Okay big buddy, let's rehearse the scene one more time. Aaaand roll em!"
<Seen through the camera, DK busts out of Cranky's Cabin in his villain stance>
DK: "The Crystal Banana... Is mine!"
Diddy: "That's not the line, DK... It's 'the Crystal Coconut is mine'"
DK: "But I don't want a coconut. I want a banana!" (looks to his left) "And there's the answer to my prayers."
<DK drags Diddy away from the camera, leaving it spinning around on the tripod>
DK: "Banana, banana, banana..."
Diddy: "DK! Wait!"
<The camera comes to rest angled towards Cranky's Cabin, still recording as K. Rool and his goons walk in to steal the Crystal Coconut. Moments later, DK and Diddy return with Bluster to continue the shoot from another angle>
Bluster: "DK, in this scene you're going to steal the Crystal Coconut because..."
DK: "I'm the meanest, baddest, evilest bad guy on the island!"
Bluster: "Exactly! That's your motivation!"
DK: "Motivation, schmotivation. That's who my character is, and that's who I am."
Bluster: "Oh, whatever." (into megaphone) "Lights! Camera! Action!"
<Seen through the camera, DK's back in character>
DK: "The Crystal Coconut is mine! And with it, I shall rule..." (takes breath) "...the world! Muhahahahahahaha!"
<DK enters the cabin laughing maniacally, then peers back out with a look of shock>
DK: "The coconut's gone!"
Bluster: "Yes it's gone, because your character stole it! Now finish the scene!"
DK: "No, the Crystal Coconut's gone! It's really gone! Look..."
Bluster: "CUUUT!"
[Scene: inside Cranky's Cabin]
DK: "Hey- why are you all lookin at me?"
<K. Rool, Krusha, Klump, Bluster, Funky, Candy, Diddy and Cranky are all standing around glaring at DK, who's in front of the empty Crystal Coconut case>
K. Rool: "Well, you are the one who noticed the Crystal Coconut was missing."
Klump: "And you are the evilest bad guy on the island these days."
K. Rool: "Those were your very words!"
DK: "I was just acting! That doesn't mean I took it..." (to Cranky) "Does it?"
Cranky: (regretfully) "Any ape who steals the Crystal Coconut doesn't belong in our community." (angrily) "I have no choice- I banish you to the White Mountains!"
DK: "But I was only acting!"
<Cranky groans dismissively>
DK: (to Candy) "I just wanted to be a movie star for you."
Candy: (uncaringly) "Mmm, hmm."
DK: (to Diddy) "Well you believe me don'tcha little buddy?"
<Diddy turns away in disgust>
DK: (turns back to Bluster) "Uh, I hope this won't affect my screen credit..."
Bluster: (turns away) "Hmph!"
DK: (sadly) "Oh..."
<DK leaves the cabin with his head down, and walks to the White Mountains>
[Scene: the White Mountains]
DK: "Hmm..." (picks up snowball) "This is so unfair. I would never hurt anyone!" (throws snowball)
Eddie: "Ouch!"
DK "Not on purpose..."
<Eddie the Yeti walks into view, rubbing his head>
DK: "Eddie the Yeti- do I look like someone who would steal the Crystal Coconut? Do I look evil?"
Eddie: (laughing hysterically) "Eeeee! Hehehehehe heh heh heh heh heh!" (holds up a block of ice which reflects DK's face) "Funny!"
DK: "Not bad!"
Eddie: "Funny"
DK: "Hey, you're right!"
<Eddie tosses away the chunk of ice>
DK: "It is funny!"
Eddie: "Funny!"
DK: "Hey! I'm not a bad guy! I just play one in the movies!"
Eddie: "Ooh!"
DK: "I have to tell the gang! I have to make them see who I really am! Especially Candy..."
[Scene: Bluster Barrel Works]
DK: "Bluster! I can explain everything!" (looks around) "Hmm, no Bluster... No anybody!" (spots the film projector near a projector screen) "Hey, I wonder if any of my scenes are here..."
<DK fires up the projector, which starts playing what he and Diddy recorded outside of Cranky's>
DK on film: "The Crystal Banana... Is mine!"
DK: "Hey! That's me!"
DK on film: "And there's the answer to my prayers."
<The view spins around and shows K. Rool, Klump and Krusha sneaking into the cabin and emerging with K. Rool holding the Crystal Coconut>
K. Rool on film: "Finally, it's mine! All mine! Pretending I know nothing about this will be my greatest acting performance ever!"
DK: "I knew I didn't steal the coconut!"
<Smoke starts coming from the projector>
DK: "And now I can prove it!"
<DK sees the film burn up in front of him on the projector screen>
DK: "Oh no! My proof is gone! Unless..."
[Scene: beachfront - Funky's Flights]
Diddy: "So Funky, what's the best part about being a script writer?"
Funky: "This!" (throws typewriter)
DK: "Ouch!"
<DK walks onscreen dressed up like Bluster and holding the typewriter>
DK: "Hey Funky, you lost your-" (puts on Bluster's voice) "I mean, if nobody wants this valuable typewriter it's mine! All mine!"
Funky: "Keep it dude! Rewrite this... Rewrite that... Dude I can't tell rewrite from re-wrong anymore!"
DK: "That's too bad, because Bluster- I mean" (in Bluster's voice) "I, Bluster, me that is, need one more scene!"
Funky: "Well write it yourself, dude, because this writer is blocked. Permanently!"
DK: (as Bluster) "Very well, but I'm taking it out of your residuals."
DK: "Diddy, little buddy!" (as Bluster) "I mean Diddy, you chump of a chimp, round up the rest of the cast for this last scene, and do it fast, this is costing me money!"
Diddy: "Okay, but it wouldn't kill you to be nice!"
DK: (as Bluster) "But if I was nice, I wouldn't be Bluster"
Diddy: "Huh! That's for sure."
<Diddy runs off>
DK: "He bought it! I can act!" (looks at typewriter) "Mmm... I just wish I could type."
[Scene: K. Rool's Lair]
K. Rool: "I don't understand! I thought this film was wrapped!"
Diddy: "Bluster said he needed this one last scene to make the movie a masterpiece."
Candy: "Where is Bluster, anyway?"
DK: (as Bluster) "Let's get ready to roll here everybody."
<DK (as Bluster) walks across to the cast holding Bluster's megaphone back to front>
DK: (as Bluster) "Time is... eh..."
Diddy: "Uh, money?"
DK: (as Bluster) "Exactly!" (to K. Rool) "I wrote this scene just for you! I promise it will show the world the true King K. Rool."
K. Rool: "Well, ha ha ha, In that case I ah-"
Candy: "What's my motivation in this scene?
DK: (as Bluster) "You have an admirer, somebody who worships the ground you walk on. But he's been wronged, terribly wronged! And now, he wants to show you he's not the ape you think he is! And when you see that, you'll shower him with kisses!"
Candy: "There's... nothing like that in this scene."
DK: (as Bluster) "Subtext, it's all subtext." (jumps into director's chair) "Places everybody! And..." (yells into wrong side of megaphone) "Action!"
Candy: (seen through camera, to K. Rool) "If you really loved me, you'd show me what's in your vault."
K. Rool: "You doubt my love? I've opened my heart for you..."
Candy: (with over the top sorrow) "But not your vault!" (sobs)
K. Rool: "Don't cry, my sweet. See for yourself- there's nothing in here I value more than you, except..."
<K. Rool opens the vault, revealing the Crystal Coconut>
Cranky: "The Crystal Coconut!"
K. Rool: "Who wrote this trash!?"
Klump: "Sir, time for immediate impending evacuation, sir!
<K. Rool grabs the coconut and Klump, Krusha and he (laughing evilly) make a dash for it. DK grabs his barrel weights and hurls them at the three Kremlings, pinning them down. The coconut flies out of K. Rool's grasp and is caught by DK>
DK: "Gotcha! Whew."
Cranky: "Donkey Kong!"
Funky: "Donkey dude!"
DK: "Banana Slamma!"
Diddy: "Gee DK, I guess we all owe you an apology."
DK: "Never mind, keep rolling!"
<DK walks to Candy, who is in the shot still>
DK: "My darling, we'll always have Kongo Bongo"
<DK kisses Candy, leaving a moustache line on her face>
Candy: (laughs) "DK! What are ya doing?"
DK: "It's called... Acting!"
<DK stumbles back and knocks into the camera, then poses for it>
[Scene: Bluster Barrel Works]
Bluster: "And now, ladies and gentlemen, I give you the premier screening of a Bluster production in association with Bluster Entertainment - Casa Kongo Bongo! Produced and directed by me, Bluster.
Funky: (to Diddy) "See, I told ya the writer counts for nothing."
Bluster: "Aaaand roll it!"
<Movie plays>
Candy on film: "If you really loved me, you'd show me what's in your vault."
K. Rool on film: "You doubt my love? I've opened my heart for you..."
Candy on film: (with over the top sorrow) "But not your vault!" (sobs)
<Movie ends>
Bluster: "Oh yes!"
<Bluster notices that the entire audience (DK, Candy, Cranky, Diddy and Funky) have fallen asleep>
Bluster: "Huh?"
<Loud snoring comes from sleeping audience>
Bluster: "Everybody's a critic..."