[Scene: K. Rool's Lair]

K. Rool: "Well now, General- what do you think of your new position?"
Krusha: "But, I- I ain't moved..."
K. Rool: "Oh, Krusha, you lunkhead. If you had two heads you'd be lonesome. I shouldn't be so hard. After all, that non-person whose name we no longer mention was no rocket scientist. What's important is-" (observes an explosive barrel & emits a mock gasp) "Dear me! A barrel! But is it an exploding barrel or not? How will I ever tell?"
   <Krusha obviously misses the hint>
K. Rool: "Perhaps you could help me with this dilemma, General Krusha."
Krusha: "I can do that, uh-huh."
   <Krusha removes the barrel's lid, causing it to explode in his face>
Krusha: "It's an exploding barrel, alright."
K. Rool: "Ah, goodie, blind obedience! Oh look General- another barrel!"

[Scene: Cranky's Cabin]

   <Bugle sounds>
Cranky: (running out of his cabin) "We're under attack! We're under attack!"
DK: (running along boardwalk) "Batten down the hatches! Women and bananas first!"
Diddy: (running along boardwalk) "Women and bananas and short monkeys!"
   <The three Kongs collide. Klump (holding a bugle) walks over to them>
Klump: "Okay new family of mine, let's everyone say 'mornin' to a bright, new, glorious day!"
   <Cranky, DK and Diddy groan>
Klump: "Sun's arising and breakfast will be ready at 0700 hours, sharp.
   <Klump plummets once more after stepping off the boardwalk, then groans upon impact>
Dixie: "Hey where's Mr Klump?"
Diddy: "You mean the rooster with the barrel-belly?"
Cranky: "I'm gonna wrap that bugle around his neck!"
Klump: (from below) "Ah, I'm okay... Don't worry 'bout me, heh. Uh, just fine... Good."
Dixie: "Oh, he was only trying to help."
DK: (still slumped from impact) "Dixie's right. I'm sure this is just gonna take a little time."
   <Diddy and Cranky glare at DK>

[Scene: Mineshaft]

K. Rool: "Where are we going, General? To see some sort of insidious device, by which I shall finally gain the coveted Crystal Coconut?"
Krusha: "No. I just wanted to drive the cart... Zoom, zoom!"
K. Rool: "It's about time you learned, Krusha, there's more to being a general than... 'Zoom, zoom!'"
Krusha: "Ooh, new uniforms?"
K. Rool: "A plan, Krusha, to steal the coconut. An idea, a brain blemish, even a hemispheric hiccup! Anything! Left turn, Krusha! We're heading back to the base for a brainstorming session!"
Krusha: "Left?"
K. Rool: "Right!"
Krusha: "Right."
K. Rool: "No! I mean-"
   <Krusha turns right, and the minecart crashes around the corner>
K. Rool: "Lunkhead."

[Scene: Cranky's Cabin]

Diddy: "DK, look- Klump's monkeying around with Cranky's trigger barrels." (to Klump) "Hey, what are you doing?"
Klump: "Putting a spit-shine on Cranky's barrels."
DK: "Well that's certainly gonna surprise him, eh, Diddy?"
Diddy: "Mm, here he comes now."
Cranky: "This is really gonna send old sourpuss over to my side."
   <Klump leans on a trigger barrel, which leads to Cranky being skyrocketed>
Klump: (sheepishly) "Uh, looks like I better start making lunch."
   <Klump runs off, and once again falls off of the boardwalk>
Dixie: "I'll be right down... Mr Klump."
DK: "I know, Dixie- he was only trying to help."
Diddy: "Tell that to Cranky. Heh, when he comes down out of orbit."
Klump: "Eh, d- don't mind me. 'Little creased's all... Few dents..."

[Scene: K. Rool's Lair]

Krusha: "...uh, set it on fire...uh, then we chop down the tree, and dig some big, dangerous holes... Yeah, big dangerous holes... and oh- get some nasty animals, and great big furry spiders! And, and, and lots of broken bits! And sprinkle it around! And-"
   <K. Rool yells at the top of his lungs>
K. Rool: "What does all that have to do with getting me the Crystal Coconut?!"
Krusha: "Co-co-nut?"
K. Rool: (sigh) "Why do I suddenly find myself wondering whatever became of that unmentionable non-person?"
Krusha: "Uh, he's living with the apes."
K. Rool: "The apes?"
Krusha: "Yup. That's what the spies say."
K. Rool: "Ahh... the apes!" (laughs) "He's living with the apes!"
   <K. Rool laughs and makes monkey noises, then Krusha starts doing the same>
K. Rool: "What... a banana!" (laughs) "Brilliant. He's set up the perfect coconut stealing strategy, and I'll be the non-person doesn't even know it!"

[Scene: Inside DK's Treehouse]

Dixie: "Donkey Kong's elevator's never worked right, Mr Klump."
Klump: "It will when I get finished with it."
Dixie: "So, how'd you like living here?"
Klump: "To tell the truth, Dixie, it ain't so easy livin' in trees. But I'm getting the hang of it."
Dixie: "I'm proud of the way you're trying to fit in by helpin' everyone out..."
Klump: "Yeah well, don't tell no-one, but I think the others are startin' to... well, like me! Even Cranky! And I won't lie to ya Dixie, I ain't never had friends before."
   <Klump continues hammering away at DK's elevator control box>
Dixie: "Here comes Donkey Kong!" (to DK) "Hey! Donkey Kong, wait 'til you see what Mr Klump did to your elevator!"
   <DK steps into the elevator barrel below, and Klump hit's the 'up' button with his mallet. This causes the elevator to bounce up and down rapidly with DK inside>

[Scene: Inside Cranky's Cabin]

   <DK stands with Cranky and Diddy, quivering uncontrollably>
Diddy: "Klump almost turned you into a milkshake."
Cranky: "Almost sent me to the moon. And don't forget the bugle."
DK & Diddy: (groaning) "Ohh... the bugle..."
DK: "So... what are ya saying?"
Cranky & Diddy: "Klump doesn't belong here!"
Cranky: "We tried, Donkey Kong- it didn't work."
DK: (glumly) "I'll tell 'im in the morning."
   <Klump stands just outside the cabin, looking in>
DK: "It'll be a lot easier telling him than Dixie."
   <Klump walks away sadly, nearly falling again>
Klump: "Whaddya know- I didn't fall. Lot of good it does me now..." (sobs)

[Scene: Beneath DK's Treehouse]

Dixie: "Where are you going, Mr Klump?"
Klump: "I'm uh, I'm going AWOL, Dixie. I- I'm leavin'."
Dixie: "Leaving? But why?"
Klump: "'Cause I- I don't belong here. C'mon, a lizard like me living in trees..."
Dixie: "But- but you said you liked it here..."
Klump: "I was wrong. I'm better off in some swamp somewhere all by myself."
Dixie: "Oh I shoulda known better than to help a cold-hearted lizard like him!"
   <DK and Diddy are on DK's balcony, and overhear Dixie and Klump's conversation>
DK: (to Diddy) "I guess Klump saved us from telling Dixie... and him."

[Scene: Somewhere in the Forest]

Klump: "Goodbye, Dixie..."
K. Rool: "Excuse me, could you possibly spare a banana?"
Klump: "King K'rool, sir!"
K. Rool: "Oh do forgive me, I thought you were one of those chest-pounding primates."
Klump: (grovelling at K. Rool's feet) "Oh please let me come back, your cold-bloodedness. I promise I won't mess up again!"
K. Rool: "Fine then, um... You're re-instated."
Klump: "Oh thank you, King K'rool, sir!"
K. Rool: "On the um- on the condition that you betray your little monkey friend and use her to steal the coconut for me."
Klump: "Dixie? But I..."
K. Rool: "Person, non-person. Person, non-person. Person..."
Klump: "Your wish is my command, King K'rool, sir!"
K. Rool: "Aaa-hahahaha! Then here we are, back together- one great big, larcenous family."
Klump: "Sorry, Dixie..."

SONG: "Is There Someone I Can Truly Call a Friend"  Lyrics 
(Dixie sings about always being deserted by her friends)

   <Klump comes out from behind a bush>
Dixie: "What do you want?"
Klump: "I'm not here, understand?"
Dixie: "Huh?"
Klump: "King K'rool's plottin' to blow up the barrel factory!"
Dixie: "Yeah? So why are you tellin' me? You're not one of us anymore."
Klump: "Like you kept tellin' the others- I guess I'm still tryin' to help."
Dixie: "Why should I believe you?"
Klump: "'Cause if King K'rool knew I was telling you this, he'd turn me into a new pair of boots! 'sides, I told you I'd never lie to a friend."
Dixie: "Thanks, Mr Klump."
Klump: (sniffling) "I'm such a spineless, low-down, lyin', cheatin' friend."
K. Rool: "Save the acceptance speech until after you steal the coconut, Klump! A commendable performance, but hardly an award-winner." (evil laugh) "With the apes protecting the barrel factory..." (laughs) "...the coconut should be easy pickings!" (laughs)

[Scene: Barrel Works]

DK: "Got here as soon as we heard, Cranky."
Diddy: "Yeah, what's shakin'?"
Cranky: "You- if you get any closer to that exploding barrel."
DK: "Where did it come from?"
Cranky: "K'rool, who else? Dixie got a tip from Klump."
Diddy: "Klump?"
DK: "So what are we gonna do, Cranky?"
Cranky: "The only thing we can do, Donkey Kong- explode it."
DK: "Good plan, how?"
Cranky: "First, you go pick it up."
DK: "Not so good plan!"
Cranky: "It's up to you to get it outta there, DK, before someone gets hurt!"
Diddy: "You are the hero, DK..."
DK: "And YOU gotta remind me."

[Scene: Inside Cranky's Cabin]

   <Klump is looming over the Crystal Coconut, hands outstretched>
Dixie: "Don't you dare!"
Klump: "Dixie! Am I glad to see you!" (realising he looks suspicious) "No, Dixie, it's not what it looks like!"
Dixie: "It most certainly is! What it looks like is you lied to me from the start!" (walks up to Klump) "I took you in, and this is how you repay me? By using me to get the others out of the way so you can sneak in and steal the coconut!"
Klump: "Believe me, Dixie, I'm not here to steal it!"
Dixie: "I caught you red-handed!"
Klump: "Oh, I wish I had time to explain... Oh what's keeping that big ape?"

[Scene: Barrel Works]

   <DK picks up the dubious looking barrel and throws it with a grunt of effort>
DK: "Take cover!"
Diddy: (kneeling) "Huh? It's a dud!"
Cranky: "Just like that dud, Klump! This smells like lizard monkey-business to me..."
   <a piercing scream echoes through the forest>

[Scene: Inside Cranky's Cabin]

   <Dixie screams>
Klump: "Good, good, but a little louder..."
   <Dixie screams as though she has a hoarse throat>
Klump: "Good, now where's that dumb ape when you need 'im?"
   <Dixie screams at the top of her lungs, as K. Rool is waiting nervously outside with Krusha, hiding behind a camouflaged, wooden cut-out>
K. Rool: "Get the coconut, Klump! The coconut!"
Klump: (to Dixie) "Can't wait around- louder!"
   <Klump runs outside with his arms outstretched, as Dixie screams piercingly. Klump stops in front of King K. Rool, panting>
K. Rool: "Where's the coconut, you lunkhead?!"
Klump: "It was a trap! Uh, they outnumbered me!"
K. Rool: "It's just a girl!"
   <DK and Diddy make the scene, slamming down on trigger barrels>
DK: "Banana slamma!"
K. Rool: "Well, since we know how this usually ends up..."
   <K. Rool jumps off of the boardwalk, Krusha jumps after him>
Klump: (jumping off also) "Bailin' out!"

[Scene: Inside Cranky's Cabin]

Diddy: "Aww, Klump set us up from the start!"
Cranky: "Shoulda known better than to trust that slimy salamander!"
DK: "Hope ya not taking this too hard, Dixie."
Dixie: "Nah, I'm okay, Donkey Kong, really. Thanks." (sighs)

[Scene: Somewhere in the Forest]

Dixie: (gasps, hearing a familiar sound) "Thermy! You're back! Oh, where'd ya come from?" (looks inside the wooden cradle where Thermidor is) "And what's this note?" (reading note) "TO DIXIE, THANX!" (re-reading) "T, H, A, N... X?" (pondering) "Oh, who could- oh..." (gasps) "He wasn't after the coconut after all, was he, Thermy?" (laughs) "Now that you're back, I'm gonna love you and take care of you, and if you leave me someday, well that's okay. Because I will always remember the good times when we were together, and THAT will make me happy."
   <Conceiled nearby, Klump sobs as Dixie walks off with her pet>